why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
