did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
