I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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