k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
