How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
