omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
