it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
last night I used snow as a chaser
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
