Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
