First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
