She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
