Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I looked at my own cervix.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
