Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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