Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Randomize
