he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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