well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
