the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
