I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
