I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
