im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
