dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Barsexuality is the new black.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
My vagina just recognized that song.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
