She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
she smelled like a LAN party
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
