Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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