I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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