Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
