They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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