I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Randomize
