I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
