I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
