if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
