Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
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