Nicole vs. Life
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
