my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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