there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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