Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
