No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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