Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
