Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
