its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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