Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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