grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
