..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
hell yes lets make some ravioli
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
