why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
