how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
