farters have to be the big spoon...
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
