i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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