she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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