I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
