New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Randomize
