Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
