I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
