All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
