just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
