Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
How does one acquire holy water?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
