Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize