I'm gonna have a badass scar
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
