Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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