I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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