I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Pants are for mortals
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
