There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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