Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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