I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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