You're earring is so big in my mouth
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
