haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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