I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
