I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
