Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize