So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
