Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
