Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
