he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
