Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
