U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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