I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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