Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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