i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
