Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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