dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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