That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
